Isaiah 57:15-19

For this is what the high and lofty One says—
he who lives forever, whose name is holy:
“I live in a high and holy place,
but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly
and to revive the heart of the contrite.
I will not accuse forever,
nor will I always be angry,
for then the spirit of man would grow faint before me—
the breath of man that I have created.
I was enraged by his sinful greed;
I punished him, and hid my face in anger,
yet he kept on in his willful ways.
I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will guide him and restore comfort to him,
creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.
Peace, peace, to those far and near,”
says the LORD. “And I will heal them.”

主を待ち望む

心の痛みを忘れようと現実逃避しようと思えばできる。

友達と遊んだり、ドラマを見たり、誰かと話したり。

でもそんな風にして自分の痛みと向き合わないのは間違ってると思う。

時には痛みを深く感じ、悲しむ時間をしっかり持つことも大切なのかもしれない。

その間、私は主を待ち望む。

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven
.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted
.

– Jesus

it’s just You and me here now…

こんなに感情的になって大泣きしたのなんて久しぶり。

辛い事がこの2日でいっぺんに起きて、どうしていいか分からない。

泣いても泣いても消えないし、神様に泣き叫んでも空しさはなかなか消えない。

どこにいるの?苦しみの中、本当に主は私と共にいてくださってるの?

 

どうしてこんなところにこんなことを書いてるのか自分でもよく分からない。

誰にも言えない。言いたくない。でも誰かに分かってもらいたい。

我がままなのは分かってる。

でも主よ、痛みを分かってほしい。

あなただけは、何があっても私は愛し続けてくださることを心から知りたい。

ほら、また我がままな自分。

主よ、赦してください。

これが今の精一杯の私の気持ちです。

 

頼れるのはあなただけ。

it’s just You and me.

first sunday of 2011!

was awesome!

blessed by a short message on communion & what to hope for this coming year!

thankful for everyone who i was able to have a late lunch with after church. felt like a mini send-off hehe.

honestly, not so looking forward being back in LA (orientation blegh) but at the same time it feels about time to head back.

byebye Japan.. will miss u and all the awesome people 😦

2011年!

「神様の愛の広さ深さ」がよく分かる一年でありますように。

主の大きな愛に触れられたい!

going old style?

i’ve been wanting a polaroid for a while. i didn’t know that there are digital polaroid cameras now. i guess that’s the kind of generation we live in today.

came across lomography as well.

there’s so many options out there. don’t know which one i want!

need to think about the cost of the films too. maybe it isn’t a bad idea to go digital.

hmm maybe i’ll wait til my bday to buy one for myself hehe.

Merry Christmas!

i spent most of today at home, cooking/baking & eating… hehe


how did you celebrate the birth of your Savior?? 🙂

the kind of peace we should desire

“I find that, too often, I want a satanic peace, the kind that comes with Christlessness. I just want tranquility, to be left alone with the path in which I want to go. That’s the kind of peace that comes with slavery, and it’s attractive (Gal. 4:9). After all, peace with Pharaoh simply means making more stray bricks. Peace with the flesh simply means watching out for your own tribal loyalties. Peace with Satan simply means marching in rhythm with your desires toward a bloody grave (Eph. 2:1-3).

You can have a Christless pseudo-peace, for a little while.

But true shalom doesn’t leave us alone, as though we were orphans (Heb. 12:8). Christful peace prompts us to struggle (Heb. 12:4), to scream out for deliverance (Rom. 8:15), to be nailed down in execution (Mt. 10:38).

Only in that kind of disturbance do we find the “peace that passes all understanding” (Phil. 4:7). In the gospel that uproots the powers of this age (including our own tranquil egos), we find “peace with God” (Rom. 5:1), as our consciences are cleansed before him. We find peace with one another as we find our identity in Christ who is our peace, and the old dividing walls implode (Eph. 2:14-17).

That’s a sword-rattling kind of peace, and it’s anything but calm, anything but quiet.”

– russell moore

I think I’ve been pursuing the “christless” kind of peace so much with my family. Always chickening out to be bold and share the Truth, scared to disappoint them, scared to face persecution and hurt again.

Gotta change.

Gonna make baby steps.

why is home food the BEST!?

i regret not taking pix of what i’ve been eating everyday since i’ve been back.

here’s a pic of my dinner tonight with my mom and grandma. thankful for awesome family that pampers me!

God is good!

Back to blogging… I don’t know why. Maybe because one of my friends at church reminded me of this blog haha.

Anyways, been back home for almost a week. I was reminded yesterday at church that God-worshipper are everywhere!

Thanks to all who sincerely listened about my anxiety regarding future stuff. Mad thankful for the spiritual fam at home.

Still working on Lordship and learning what it means to surrender EVERYTHING.

My daily prayer: “may the things of earth become strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace”

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